Life, According
Don't be scared, don't be frightened, they all say, they all say.
Don't be scared, as if I can help it anyway, anyway.
You have no reason to be worried. Who needs a reason?
You have your whole life ahead of you they say. But I don't know how to use it. Does anyone know? Oh, does anyone know?
I have a song in my heart. Can someone sing it? Can someone sing it for me.
I have a skip in my step. Who do I see about that? Who do I see about that?
You have no reason to be lonely. Who needs a reason?
You have a brain in that head of yours they say, don't ya? But it's no good for speaking.
Life, according to me, changes constantly, despite the constant venue.
Life, according to them, seems to go quite well, I wonder why I'm different, I wonder if if we all are, I wonder who I am.
Speak up, be heard, don't be silent,they all say, they all say.
Speak up, be heard, what do you want to be hearing anyway, anyway.
There is a reason, that I don't know what to do. What is that reason?
You have your whole life ahead of you they say, but that's what scares me. Does it scare anyone else? Oh, does it scare anyone else?
There is hope, I'm not complete yet, that I won't stay this way, I won't stay this way.
Will I ever know who I could have been, if things went differently? If things went differently then?
There is a reason, that we all do what we do, go find your reason. You have a brain in that head of yours they say, don't ya? But it's too busy overthinking.
Life, according to me, changes constantly, despite the constant venue.
Life, according to them, seems to go quite well, I wonder why I'm different, I wonder if we all are, I wonder who I am. I wonder who we all are, behind these walls we all have, does anyone know? Oh, does anyone know?
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Identity
Who am I? It's a question we all ask ourselves at some point. We want to know who we are, what makes us unique, if we're a good person or not, and so on. It's understandable, we only ever get to be one person, so of course we want to know ourselves as completely as possible. But the thing is, I don't think we ever will.
When I was eleven, I fell in love with the Twilight books. I thought they we're genius and that Bella was someone to look up to. Now I'm older I have realised that the Twilight books are not all I thought they were and Bella is a terrible role model for young girls. The books romanticize codependent relationships and stalker behaviour while making young girls think it's okay date someone with an undeniable desire to hurt them. I grew up and I changed my mind. People do that all the time, they get a different perspective on something, or are given new information or simply just wake up one day with a different opinion and they change their minds.
They also find new things that might have an impact on their lives. It could be that they make a new friend or find a new favourite place or try a new food and suddenly they're a little different to how they were before.
My point is that we are constantly changing. And how can you know who you are when you change a little very day? The answer is that you can't. You can't know exactly who you are. And even if you could, how could you tell the difference between what is really you, and what you have become because exterior circumstances have impacted you? I don't think 'Who am I?' is a question any of us will ever really know the answer to and so I implore you to ask yourself something different instead. Instead of asking yourself who you are, ask yourself what makes you happy, or how can you help, or who do you want to be.
-T.L.Wizards
Wednesday 22 October 2014
Friday 4 July 2014
Ordinary
You are ordinary. You like the same things as so many other people, and you wear the same colours and eat the same foods and visit the same places as everyone else.
You are extraordinary. There is no one in the world that's quite like you, no one who likes the same combination of all the things you like in the way that you like them and no one who wears that exact shade of purple that is a combination of dye and bleach and years and no one who eats that weird, home-made combination of foods and no one who sees the world like you do.
You will never achieve the impossible. You will never save the world. You will never see the stars before they die or run faster than anyone or be the most important person.
But you will love. You will find someone, or maybe you already have someone, a lover, a friend, a sibling, a parental figure, someone who you would die for and who would die for you. It will never come to that but that doesn't matter. You will love in your own unique way and you will be loved back so much it sometimes hurts them and sometimes saves them.
And you will laugh. You will laugh so loud that the people around you will give you funny looks. And you won't care, you'll be too overwhelmed with laughter and humour and happiness and bliss.
And you will sing. And no one will sing from the same heart you sing from. Or you will dance. And no one will dance with the same unique passion that you do. Or you will run. And no one will move quite the same way that you do. You will think your own thoughts and tell your own jokes and love what you love and hate what you hate and no one will do all those things the same as you. You will be. And no one will ever be the same as you.
The dreams you have for the future might be shared by thousands but they are just the result, not just of who you are but how you were raised and what you have seen and the time you are in and the truths and lies you have been told. But the dreams you have at night, that is you, your subconscious, who you are and why you are that way. And no one will ever dream a dream exactly like yours.
You will never perform a miracle but you might see one. You will never be chosen but you might choose. You might not be the grain of salt that tips the scale but that grain could not tip the scale without you. It will never come to the extreme but you could handle it if it did. They will never tell legends about you for years to come. But the thing is: they should. And that is what matters.
You are ordinary. You are extraordinary.
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Ordinary
Being ordinary is my second greatest fear, behind death and in front of spiders, which for some reason I fear more than pain. I'm afraid of getting an average paying job and an average sized house and leading an average life. I don't believe in an afterlife or reincarnation. I believe that this life I have is all I have, my entire existence. And I don't want to waste it. I want to do amazing things and be known by thousands and have all I can get and go down in history. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't ever want to disappear.
But then I think about what I have written above. I think it is true and that makes things better.
I'm not going to say much in this second part, I just wanted to write this down so I wouldn't forget it. And edit it because I dislike mistakes. And post it because I know I'm not the only one that needs to hear this on occasion, so I wanted to put it out there in case anyone was listening.
- T.L.Wizards
You are extraordinary. There is no one in the world that's quite like you, no one who likes the same combination of all the things you like in the way that you like them and no one who wears that exact shade of purple that is a combination of dye and bleach and years and no one who eats that weird, home-made combination of foods and no one who sees the world like you do.
You will never achieve the impossible. You will never save the world. You will never see the stars before they die or run faster than anyone or be the most important person.
But you will love. You will find someone, or maybe you already have someone, a lover, a friend, a sibling, a parental figure, someone who you would die for and who would die for you. It will never come to that but that doesn't matter. You will love in your own unique way and you will be loved back so much it sometimes hurts them and sometimes saves them.
And you will laugh. You will laugh so loud that the people around you will give you funny looks. And you won't care, you'll be too overwhelmed with laughter and humour and happiness and bliss.
And you will sing. And no one will sing from the same heart you sing from. Or you will dance. And no one will dance with the same unique passion that you do. Or you will run. And no one will move quite the same way that you do. You will think your own thoughts and tell your own jokes and love what you love and hate what you hate and no one will do all those things the same as you. You will be. And no one will ever be the same as you.
The dreams you have for the future might be shared by thousands but they are just the result, not just of who you are but how you were raised and what you have seen and the time you are in and the truths and lies you have been told. But the dreams you have at night, that is you, your subconscious, who you are and why you are that way. And no one will ever dream a dream exactly like yours.
You will never perform a miracle but you might see one. You will never be chosen but you might choose. You might not be the grain of salt that tips the scale but that grain could not tip the scale without you. It will never come to the extreme but you could handle it if it did. They will never tell legends about you for years to come. But the thing is: they should. And that is what matters.
You are ordinary. You are extraordinary.
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Ordinary
Being ordinary is my second greatest fear, behind death and in front of spiders, which for some reason I fear more than pain. I'm afraid of getting an average paying job and an average sized house and leading an average life. I don't believe in an afterlife or reincarnation. I believe that this life I have is all I have, my entire existence. And I don't want to waste it. I want to do amazing things and be known by thousands and have all I can get and go down in history. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't ever want to disappear.
But then I think about what I have written above. I think it is true and that makes things better.
I'm not going to say much in this second part, I just wanted to write this down so I wouldn't forget it. And edit it because I dislike mistakes. And post it because I know I'm not the only one that needs to hear this on occasion, so I wanted to put it out there in case anyone was listening.
- T.L.Wizards
Thursday 5 June 2014
Loneliness
Invisible
I like to think that everyone has their own little world to carry on their shoulders just like Atlas carried the world on his in Greek Mythology. When we are fist born, in most cases, our worlds do not rest on our own shoulders but on our parents' or guardians'. We are unable to fend for ourselves so each little part of our world: our health, our hygiene, our happiness, our warmth, our shelter and just about everything else is being carried by those who care for us. As we get older we start becoming more responsible and so we are handed some of these little pieces of our worlds to look after.
The more distanced from people you are and the less people you have in your life, the more of your world you have to carry. You have less people to help you with the burden that is your life and so the burden just gets heavier and heavier. When you are responsible for so much of your world (Or in the cases of those completely alone, all of your world), it's hard to take could care of it. You have to be your own parent, your own family, your own friend and do all of the jobs that those people do. You have to support your self, cheer yourself up when you're down, give your self a pat on the back when you deserve it and try and teach yourself how to learn from your mistakes. That is what it is to be alone.
It's hard to be alone because not only do you have to carry the burden of your whole world, all of your secrets and worries and thoughts and feelings, but you have to keep up with everyone else while doing so. You have to keep up with those who have friends that help carry the burden of their happiness or family that help carry the burden of their safety, whereas those who are alone have to get by just the same but with all these extra burdens to carry.
When you need help, you have to help yourself. When you need more time, there is no one to stall for you. When you miss something, there is no one to fill you in. And even when something great happens, when you get that good grade or that fancy promotion, you have no one to toast to your victory with, no one to tell or how great or are or how they're proud of you.That is what it's like to be lonely.
So in conclusion, avoid being alone at all costs, if at all possible and if you can't or you are already all on your own, then I'm sorry. I hope you find someone to help you carry your world and I hope the same for myself.
- T.L.Wizards
I know you know what it's like to feel hurt,
And you probably know how it is to feel broken.
And I'm sure you know what it's like to feel
Sad and angry and lost and insecure,
To feel like you have been ripped open.
But do you know what it's like to feel invisible?
To go through all that pain and have no one notice a thing?
No, you don't know what it's like to feel invisible.
To have so much to say but no one's listening.
And I could disappear at any moment,
And nobody here would even notice.
Now I'm just a ghost of who I used to be,
And I'm so alone, the pain's my only company.
I'm falling to pieces but no one can see.
Because I'm invisible.
And I know you know what it's like to feel lonely,
And I know you know that it doesn't fell good.
But do you know what it's like to feel that
Nobody is there for you at all,
To feel outcast, misunderstood?
and do you know what it's like to feel invisible?
To feel like you don't matter at all?
No, you don't know what it's like to feel invisible,
Or how they can make you feel so small.
And I could disappear at any moment,
And nobody here would even notice.
Now I'm just a ghost of who I used to be,
And I'm so alone, the pain's my only company.
I'm falling to pieces but no one can see.
Because I'm invisible.
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Loneliness
Loneliness
I like to think that everyone has their own little world to carry on their shoulders just like Atlas carried the world on his in Greek Mythology. When we are fist born, in most cases, our worlds do not rest on our own shoulders but on our parents' or guardians'. We are unable to fend for ourselves so each little part of our world: our health, our hygiene, our happiness, our warmth, our shelter and just about everything else is being carried by those who care for us. As we get older we start becoming more responsible and so we are handed some of these little pieces of our worlds to look after.
The more distanced from people you are and the less people you have in your life, the more of your world you have to carry. You have less people to help you with the burden that is your life and so the burden just gets heavier and heavier. When you are responsible for so much of your world (Or in the cases of those completely alone, all of your world), it's hard to take could care of it. You have to be your own parent, your own family, your own friend and do all of the jobs that those people do. You have to support your self, cheer yourself up when you're down, give your self a pat on the back when you deserve it and try and teach yourself how to learn from your mistakes. That is what it is to be alone.
It's hard to be alone because not only do you have to carry the burden of your whole world, all of your secrets and worries and thoughts and feelings, but you have to keep up with everyone else while doing so. You have to keep up with those who have friends that help carry the burden of their happiness or family that help carry the burden of their safety, whereas those who are alone have to get by just the same but with all these extra burdens to carry.
When you need help, you have to help yourself. When you need more time, there is no one to stall for you. When you miss something, there is no one to fill you in. And even when something great happens, when you get that good grade or that fancy promotion, you have no one to toast to your victory with, no one to tell or how great or are or how they're proud of you.That is what it's like to be lonely.
So in conclusion, avoid being alone at all costs, if at all possible and if you can't or you are already all on your own, then I'm sorry. I hope you find someone to help you carry your world and I hope the same for myself.
- T.L.Wizards
Permanent
Jenny Restic sighed. The new girl at the café she worked at was completely hopeless and it was, of course, Jenny's responsibility to 'show her the ropes' as her boss had said. She had to admit, girl did look kind of cute as she struggled to figure out how to stop the coffee from pouring out of the machine, causing it to spill everywhere, with her eyebrows knitted together in an adorable frown and strands raven black hair escaping from her ponytail. But still, cute didn't make up for all the messes that Jenny was going to have to clean up because of this girl. Don't worry, Jenny reminded herself, it's only temporary.
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Vanessa Korrapati. Even her name sounded sexy. She was 22, second generation Indian, had three brothers, a dog called Rusty, and her every own record player with a complete collection of every record the Beatles ever made. But most importantly, she had a date with Jenny at a very fancy seafood restaurant in an hour. Jenny hadn't liked her at first; she'd proved a challenge to train in the arts of working the coffee machine and toasting the perfect panini. But after a while the two got to talking and as it turned out, they had a lot in common. It had taken a while for Jenny to gather up the courage to ask Vanessa out, but eventually she did and now she was standing in front of the mirror, scrutinising every aspect of her appearance, to ensure she looked perfect for their first date. The butterflies in her stomach were restless and her palms were starting to get sweaty. Jenny wiped her palms on her skirt to dry them. She hated feeling nervous. Don't worry, Jenny reminded herself, it's only temporary.
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It had been over a month since they had officially started dating and they had now reached the first milestone in the relationship; their first fight. Jenny knew it was her fault. She had made a passing comment about how Vanessa didn't know what it was like to struggle to get by, what with her coming from such a rich family and it had just snowballed from there. She hated having all this negativity between them. Don't worry, Jenny reminded herself, it's only temporary.
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Jenny looked back over her shoulder and blew her fiancée one last kiss goodbye before walking swiftly through the doors of the airport terminal. She missed Vanessa already. Since they had first started dating, they hadn't really had to spend too much time apart. Sure, there was a weekend here or there when one of them would go to visit their family or something, but this was this time Jenny would be away for 2 months doing her internship in New York. This meant no early morning kisses or finding post-it notes with terms of endearment written on them scattered around the apartment.fiancée one last kiss goodbye before walking swiftly through the doors of the airport terminal. She missed Vanessa already. Since they had first started dating,vb they hadn't really had to spend too much time apart. Sure, there was a weekend here or there when one of them would go to visit their family or something, but this was this time Jenny would be away for 2 months doing her internship in New York. This meant no early morning kisses or finding post-it notes with terms of endearment written on them scattered around the apartment. Don't worry, Jenny reminded herself, it's only temporary.
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It was her favourite picture of them. It had been taken a week after Vanessa had first stared working at the café, when the manager had demanded they take a staff group photo. Jenny loved looking at how young they both were back then, standing side by side, having no idea that the person next to them would turn out to be the love of their life. She looked down at the girl whose head was resting on her lap and smiled to herself. Don't worry, Jenny reminded herself, it's permanent.
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Permanent
You never know what things in your life are going to become permanent. Most things enter our lives as temporary until one day we look back and realise that this supposedly temporary thing has become a permanent fixture in our lives.
Some things do stay temporary, though, so it is impossible to tell which things are going to last and which aren't. Maybe your new neighbour will only last for a few weeks before selling the house again and moving somewhere new, or maybe you'll be sitting at a neighbourhood barbecue with them in twenty years time. Maybe you'll loose that new watch you bought before the year is up or maybe your child will be passing it down to your grandchild fifty years later. Maybe your new hobby is just a phase or maybe you'll end up being a well paid professional at it later down the line.
And of course to quote Adele; "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead." So maybe what you have is just summer fling that you'll look back on when your old and grey or maybe you've found your soul-mate, the person you're going to grow old and grey with.
Either way, try to be nice to the people that enter your life and try to take care of the things that you get because you never know who or what might stay with you for the rest of your life.
- T.L.Wizards
Victory
Little Victories
So you didn't change the world today, and you didn't save a life.
You didn't make somebody's year, and you couldn't change somebody's mind.
So didn't build a bridge today, but you didn't did burn one down.
And it hurt you just to be there but you still stuck around.
And you didn't get it all out, yeah you didn't say much,
But you said all that you could and for now, that's enough.
And don't think that your less, than anyone else,
We all all have our limits, just don't give up on yourself.
'Cause it's the little victories, that make it all worth while.
And it doesn't matter that your still broken, 'cause at least you managed to smile.
So you weren't a big success today, and you didn't steal the show.
You couldn't do the things that they can do, and you barley made it home.
And you did not achieve a miracle, you didn't hit a home run.
But so few do, you did your best, that's all that can be done.
So you didn't have a huge victory, just loses piled high.
But you learned from your mistakes, and if you continue to partake, maybe you'll win next time.
And don't think that your less, than anyone else,
We all all have our limits, just don't give up on yourself.
'Cause it's the little victories, that make it all worth while.
And it doesn't matter that your still broken, 'cause at least you managed to smile.
So it's taking a long time, to achieve your goals.
You feel broken and defeated, not who you want to be at all.
And you keeping messing up, and letting people down.
But don't think they won't forgive you, don't think they don't need you around.
And you didn't save the universe, but you made my day worth while
Because even though your broken, you still managed to smile.
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Victory
It's important to remember that not all victories in life are monumental. Sure, it's an amazing achievement to win an Olympic medal, but who know what else is an amazing achievement? Getting out of bed in the morning even though can't see the point. Going outside even though everything seems to make you anxious. Getting over your stammer, or making progress with your therapist, or even just getting on with you day despite feeling under the weather. We all win lots of little wars and achieve lots of little things and have lots of little victories everyday that are worth celebrating.
So yeah, maybe you didn't change your life today, but maybe one of your little victories like preparing for that job interview or finishing that watercolour study will lead to something incredible in the future. Or maybe not, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve a round of applause anyway.
Be proud of all your victories, no matter how big or how small, even if no one else is. Even if the thing you managed to achieve is something post people find incredibly easy or have been able to do for ages. Don't let other peoples victories make yours seem any less significant.
- T.L.Wizards
P.S. The song was above was inspired by this quote: "You know Howie had been in speech therapy. He'd just gotten over this massive stammer, what an achievement, I mean can you imagine? I'd forgotten not all victories are about saving the universe." - Rory Williams, Doctor Who, Series 6 Episode 11, 'The God Complex'.
So you didn't change the world today, and you didn't save a life.
You didn't make somebody's year, and you couldn't change somebody's mind.
So didn't build a bridge today, but you didn't did burn one down.
And it hurt you just to be there but you still stuck around.
And you didn't get it all out, yeah you didn't say much,
But you said all that you could and for now, that's enough.
And don't think that your less, than anyone else,
We all all have our limits, just don't give up on yourself.
'Cause it's the little victories, that make it all worth while.
And it doesn't matter that your still broken, 'cause at least you managed to smile.
So you weren't a big success today, and you didn't steal the show.
You couldn't do the things that they can do, and you barley made it home.
And you did not achieve a miracle, you didn't hit a home run.
But so few do, you did your best, that's all that can be done.
So you didn't have a huge victory, just loses piled high.
But you learned from your mistakes, and if you continue to partake, maybe you'll win next time.
And don't think that your less, than anyone else,
We all all have our limits, just don't give up on yourself.
'Cause it's the little victories, that make it all worth while.
And it doesn't matter that your still broken, 'cause at least you managed to smile.
So it's taking a long time, to achieve your goals.
You feel broken and defeated, not who you want to be at all.
And you keeping messing up, and letting people down.
But don't think they won't forgive you, don't think they don't need you around.
And you didn't save the universe, but you made my day worth while
Because even though your broken, you still managed to smile.
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Victory
It's important to remember that not all victories in life are monumental. Sure, it's an amazing achievement to win an Olympic medal, but who know what else is an amazing achievement? Getting out of bed in the morning even though can't see the point. Going outside even though everything seems to make you anxious. Getting over your stammer, or making progress with your therapist, or even just getting on with you day despite feeling under the weather. We all win lots of little wars and achieve lots of little things and have lots of little victories everyday that are worth celebrating.
So yeah, maybe you didn't change your life today, but maybe one of your little victories like preparing for that job interview or finishing that watercolour study will lead to something incredible in the future. Or maybe not, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve a round of applause anyway.
Be proud of all your victories, no matter how big or how small, even if no one else is. Even if the thing you managed to achieve is something post people find incredibly easy or have been able to do for ages. Don't let other peoples victories make yours seem any less significant.
- T.L.Wizards
P.S. The song was above was inspired by this quote: "You know Howie had been in speech therapy. He'd just gotten over this massive stammer, what an achievement, I mean can you imagine? I'd forgotten not all victories are about saving the universe." - Rory Williams, Doctor Who, Series 6 Episode 11, 'The God Complex'.
Adulthood
Angelo Ramirez straightened his 'Senior Mechanic' badge for the fourth time. He was sitting on an peculiar yellow chair, (the designer of which clearly found aesthetics to be of more value that comfort) outside the doors to the Senior Mechanic's Deck aboard the Grand Melatone American National Spaceship. As was evident from the non-stop tapping of his foot, his slightly shaky breath and his tendency to fidget, Mr. Ramirez was nervous. It was his first day of his dream job and he was determined not to mess it up. But more than that, it was the day he would finally be told The Secret.
Ramirez, as well as most of the inhabitants of the spaceship, had been born and raised aboard it. From a young age, he had shown an interest in mechanics. He had always been a fan of puzzles as a child and would often take things apart; toys, remote controls, mini radios, and attempt to put them back together. He would also always wander off into more remote parts of the spaceship, following the paths of certain pipes or trying to sneak into the engine room to see how the engines worked. He didn't even need time to consider his choices when faced with the task of what job to apply for when he turned eighteen.
When the Fuel Crisis of 2284 occurred, Ramirez, along with the other residents of the Grand Melatone, was distraught. The supply carriage containing the fuel reserves had been damaged and most of the fuel had been lost. To make matters worse, there had not been a report from the International Space Station in months and no one seemed to be able to reach them. But the Senior Mechanical Team of the Grand Melatone had risen to the occasion and found a solution to the problem. Exactly what the solution was, no one outside of the Senior Mechanical Team knew, as it was classified information, kept from public view with the people's best interests in mind. This was what had soon become known to the mechanics, and those of the public who cared about such matters, as The Secret.
After the crisis was averted, life on the spaceship carried on as normal. Reports from the International Space Station once again became a frequent occurrence. They always said the same things, but that was just a reassuring sign that normality had been restored. Personally, Ramirez felt all the more motivated to climb higher up the ladder of success within the spaceship's mechanical department, as he was desperate to find out what was keeping the spaceship running.
This was why four years later, Angelo Sebastián Ramirez aged 26, was sat outside the doors of Senior Mechanic's Deck, about to start his first day as the youngest Senior Mechanic on record. Granted, he had been faced with some sceptical looks from his employers when he had walked into the interview room, but as hard as the interview was, Ramirez had managed to pass it with flying colours. The interviewer, Mrs. Alesha Marshall, Vice President of the Senior Mechanical Team of the Grand Melatone American National Spaceship, had asked him only one question: "If the spaceship had completely run out of fuel, all emergency reserves drained, and the International Space Station could not be reached, how would you proceed in keeping the ship up and running?"
It was the most difficult question Ramirez had ever had to answer, but after spending hours combing through the Melatone's official records, which had been thankfully provided by Mrs. Marshall, and making vague notes on the whiteboard, also provided by the VP, Ramirez had finally discovered a way to temporarily keep the ship running until contact with the Space Station could be re-established. It was definitely the most unconventional interview Ramirez had ever even heard of, after all what kind of interview lasted so long that bathroom breaks had been already been pre-decided? But he could help but walk out of the room at the end of the day feeling immensely proud of himself. After all, how many people could come up with a way to temporarily solve such a difficult problem. He supposed that was why they had chosen to hire him.
So, this was it. he was finally going to start his dream job and of course, be clued in on The Secret, as it was common knowledge that anyone accepted on the Senior Mechanical Team learnt The Secret on their first day. The doors beside Ramirez slid open with a small mechanical click to reveal none other than Mr. Thomas Dalton, President of the Senior Mechanical Team of the Grand Melatone. He was a broad man with a perpetually reddened face and a well groomed moustache.
"Ah Mr. Ramirez, so good to meet you." He held out his hand for Ramirez to shake, which he did. "I thought I should greet you personally on your first day, especially after hearing such good things about your interview." He motioned Ramirez through the doors.
Ramirez wasn't sure what he had expected to see on the Deck, maybe an extra-terrestrial object that could create unlimited fuel linked up to to engines. Whatever he had been expecting, it certainly wasn't what he was met with upon following Mr. Dalton through the doors. Before him was what appeared to be a perfectly ordinary Senior Mechanic Deck, lined with standard engines and ordered desks for the mechanics to work on.
"So, we'd like to get you started right away if that's okay with you." Mr. Dalton said as he lead Ramirez to a desk where two other mechanics sat, looking over blueprints of one of the engines. "This is Adele Bolton and George Han, who you'll be working with from now on. I would advise you to start off by getting to know each other since you'll be working quite closely, fighting day to day to keep this ship going once the emergency reserves run out in a few months."
Ramirez frowned. "Sir, I don't understand, what do mean 'when the emergency reserves run out'? What about The Secret? Aren't you going to tell me what it is?" He asked.
Mr. Dalton laughed. "Don't you get it, boy? There is no Secret."
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Adulthood
When I was in Primary School, I used to look at Secondary School students and think: Wow, they're so big, so old and mature. They're so smart doing all of that complicated school work. Will I be that smart when I'm older? And so I waited. I waited to grow into one of those smart, mature Secondary School students who had always seemed so cool to me back then. Only it never happened. Instead I got to Secondary School and I didn't feel older like I thought I would, I felt young compared to all of the older students in the school. I wasn't mature and the school work I did was not complicated as it had seemed to my younger mind. So I looked up to the older students, the ones doing GCSE's and A Levels who seemed so mature and smart and like they had their lives sorted out. What I didn't realise until I got to their age was that they still weren't completely mature and the work they did was not too hard for people of their age group and despite appearances, they too still didn't have their lives together. And so they looked up to those who were older than them and the cycle carries on.
My point is that we never really grow up. We always seem to think that when we get older we'll be more mature, more prepared, smarter and better with our lives sorted out. And then we get to that age only to realise; we still don't know what we're doing. And you will often find that when you look at the people around you and think things like: They're so confident, so organised, so smart and talented and well-held-together, those people are actually as insecure and messy and lost as you are, and they're looking at you and thinking you are as perfect as you thought they were, when in reality, we're all just barley getting by.
That complicated machine at your new job that you can't figure out how to work? Your boss isn't too sure about it either. The exams that your taking practise papers for? The students taking the real thing are as lost as you are. The people you think have they're lives together? They're probably failing terribly in at least one aspect. The secret to getting by that you think all of those older people know? It doesn't exist. Adulthood is a myth. No body's sure about everything and no one knows all the answers and everyone is just making it up as they go along.
So don't feel bad when you reach a certain age and your not all of those things you thought you would be and don't be too hard on yourself when still hopelessly lost when everyone else has found their bearings, because none of those people are perfect, they're all as imperfect as you. Stop waiting to grow up into someone better than you are today and just accept life as it is; a world full children masquerading as adults.
- T.L Wizards
Thursday 29 May 2014
Guilt
Apocalypse
Hold onto hope, hold on to hope because,
One day it might be all you've got.
Hold onto love, hold on to love because,
One day money might not be enough.
Hold onto possibilities and hold onto opportunities because,
You might not always have the chance.
Hold onto all that you can take in because,
You might not get a parting glance.
And hold onto everything that you can get your hands on,
Because you might not have everything for long.
And in the event of the end of the world,
Let go of your prized possessions and hold your loved ones tight.
And if there comes a time when the sky is falling,
No new days are dawning and you're fighting to stay alive,
Make sure you can live with yourself if you survive
The Apocalypse.
Hold onto pain, hold onto pain because,
It brings you back to reality.
Let go of your anger and plots of revenge because,
You might just need your sanity.
And hold onto that feeling because,
It lets you know you're still alive.
But you might not be living for much longer,
So hold onto tonight.
And in the event of the end of the world,
Let go of your prized possessions and hold your loved ones tight.
And if there comes a time when the sky is falling,
No new days are dawning and you're fighting to stay alive,
Make sure you can live with yourself if you survive
The Apocalypse.
And the rain will wash away, everything we've made.
And we will realise, how easily things fade.
And the light ill shine on us, and show our imperfections.
But we will not give up, we'll just find ways to forget them.
And some day the world will come crashing down, and end it all.
And all the things that you thought had mattered, will be the first to fall.
So in the event of the end of the world,
Let go of your prized possessions and hold your loved ones tight.
And if there comes a time when the sky is falling,
No new days are dawning and you're fighting to stay alive,
Make sure you can live with yourself if you survive
The Apocalypse...
*****************************************************************************************************************
Guilt
When I was in Year Three, we weren't allowed to bring sweets (candy) into school. Despite serving a plate full of chips with every school meal and this being before we even had a salad bar, the school had decided that unhealthy snacks brought to be eaten at Playtime were strictly prohibited. If our parent packed a packet of mini Haribo in our lunch box then we would, of course, be able to eat it however if we brought the sweets in separately and ate them outside of the lunch hall, we would be breaking the rules.
One day, I washed out and old metal pencil case of my sister's and poured a packet of strawberry Millions into it before stashing it in my pocket to take to school. One of my friends had brought in some magazines and a group of us spent that playtime and lunchtime eating the sweets and reading the magazines. Now I must explain that I had never actually gotten into trouble before in my life, I'd never broken the rules and I certainly had never gotten caught doing something I wasn't supposed to. But then of course, someone - I'm not sure who, but I hold a bitter grudge against them to this very day - tipped off a teacher to our debaucherous activities.
I don't remember in too much detail the things that happen to me in my younger years, however I distinctly remember the absolute terror I felt as the teacher approached me and said something along the lines of :
"So, I've heard you've brought something into school today."
"Well, my friend brought in some magazines." I had replied weakly.
"I think you know that's not what I'm talking about."
I didn't even receive a lunchtime detention, just a yellow card, a warning. However to my eight year old self, that felt more like a scarlet letter or a criminal record. When I got back into class, I evaded the questions sent my way by one of my best friends, who had not been involved in the ordeal, and and carried on in a miserable state. I was too ashamed and afraid to tell my mum that night.
The next day, I honestly thought everything would be different, I thought my friends wouldn't want to hang around with me any more and that all of the teachers would hate me. So when my friend came and talked to me when she saw me by the school gates the next day, I felt a burst of joy and relief. I'm pretty sure everyone forgot the incident - there were a lot of children doing a lot worse things in school and honestly, who cares if some kid brought in some sweets? But the thing is, I never forgot.
I'm still not sure what the hell was wrong with me, but the guilt I felt about what I'd done, breaking the rules, getting into trouble, stuck with me and weighed me down for a long time. I was to scared to tell my mum and so I felt more guilty about keeping it from her. when parents evening came around I went out of my mind worrying the teacher would tell my mum, who would be extra cross at my for not telling her. It never came up. I actually cried, alone in my bedroom on multiple occasions due to my undying guilt. My stomach knotted up every time I thought about it and I spent too much time imaging countless scenarios in which my mum would find out and all the things she'd say to me.
I eventually came to the conclusion that when I was really old, like twenty or maybe even thirty or something, I would tell my mother and, although it wouldn't exactly make her happy, it would be too far in the past for her to get angry about. I guess I'm just one of those people who really can't stand being reprimanded by any kind of authority figure. When I was ten I did recount all of this and realise that if I went up to my mum at that point and said; "Mum, when I was in year three, I brought sweets into school.", she would have just turned to me and said "And?". She probably would not have had any idea that that was something we weren't supposed to do, and even if she did, she would not have cared.
I've done plenty worse in my life, but for some reason, I've never felt as guilty as I had back then. My point in telling you this unusual and embarrassing anecdote is that what I'm trying to say is guilt sucks. Felling guilty can really eat away at your insides and put a huge damper on your life. I doubt anyone will ever feel as guilty for bringing sweets into school as I did but I know that everyone feels guilty at some point in their life and it's important that you think about your guilt.
Was it really your fault? Is what you did really so wrong? Is there a way to make up for it? Is the source of your guilt a secret from those around you and if so should it be? Would it be better to just let it out? Do you really deserve the to feel as bad as you do?
Maybe your guilt is justified but maybe not. Maybe your the one giving someone else a guilt trip and need to ask yourself if they deserve to be made to feel as bad as you're making them. And if you find yourself debating whether or not to do something that you know you'll feel guilty about later, then avoid doing it at all costs if you value your personal happiness and don't want to end up hating yourself.
- T.L.Wizards
Hold onto hope, hold on to hope because,
One day it might be all you've got.
Hold onto love, hold on to love because,
One day money might not be enough.
Hold onto possibilities and hold onto opportunities because,
You might not always have the chance.
Hold onto all that you can take in because,
You might not get a parting glance.
And hold onto everything that you can get your hands on,
Because you might not have everything for long.
And in the event of the end of the world,
Let go of your prized possessions and hold your loved ones tight.
And if there comes a time when the sky is falling,
No new days are dawning and you're fighting to stay alive,
Make sure you can live with yourself if you survive
The Apocalypse.
Hold onto pain, hold onto pain because,
It brings you back to reality.
Let go of your anger and plots of revenge because,
You might just need your sanity.
And hold onto that feeling because,
It lets you know you're still alive.
But you might not be living for much longer,
So hold onto tonight.
And in the event of the end of the world,
Let go of your prized possessions and hold your loved ones tight.
And if there comes a time when the sky is falling,
No new days are dawning and you're fighting to stay alive,
Make sure you can live with yourself if you survive
The Apocalypse.
And the rain will wash away, everything we've made.
And we will realise, how easily things fade.
And the light ill shine on us, and show our imperfections.
But we will not give up, we'll just find ways to forget them.
And some day the world will come crashing down, and end it all.
And all the things that you thought had mattered, will be the first to fall.
So in the event of the end of the world,
Let go of your prized possessions and hold your loved ones tight.
And if there comes a time when the sky is falling,
No new days are dawning and you're fighting to stay alive,
Make sure you can live with yourself if you survive
The Apocalypse...
*****************************************************************************************************************
Guilt
When I was in Year Three, we weren't allowed to bring sweets (candy) into school. Despite serving a plate full of chips with every school meal and this being before we even had a salad bar, the school had decided that unhealthy snacks brought to be eaten at Playtime were strictly prohibited. If our parent packed a packet of mini Haribo in our lunch box then we would, of course, be able to eat it however if we brought the sweets in separately and ate them outside of the lunch hall, we would be breaking the rules.
One day, I washed out and old metal pencil case of my sister's and poured a packet of strawberry Millions into it before stashing it in my pocket to take to school. One of my friends had brought in some magazines and a group of us spent that playtime and lunchtime eating the sweets and reading the magazines. Now I must explain that I had never actually gotten into trouble before in my life, I'd never broken the rules and I certainly had never gotten caught doing something I wasn't supposed to. But then of course, someone - I'm not sure who, but I hold a bitter grudge against them to this very day - tipped off a teacher to our debaucherous activities.
I don't remember in too much detail the things that happen to me in my younger years, however I distinctly remember the absolute terror I felt as the teacher approached me and said something along the lines of :
"So, I've heard you've brought something into school today."
"Well, my friend brought in some magazines." I had replied weakly.
"I think you know that's not what I'm talking about."
I didn't even receive a lunchtime detention, just a yellow card, a warning. However to my eight year old self, that felt more like a scarlet letter or a criminal record. When I got back into class, I evaded the questions sent my way by one of my best friends, who had not been involved in the ordeal, and and carried on in a miserable state. I was too ashamed and afraid to tell my mum that night.
The next day, I honestly thought everything would be different, I thought my friends wouldn't want to hang around with me any more and that all of the teachers would hate me. So when my friend came and talked to me when she saw me by the school gates the next day, I felt a burst of joy and relief. I'm pretty sure everyone forgot the incident - there were a lot of children doing a lot worse things in school and honestly, who cares if some kid brought in some sweets? But the thing is, I never forgot.
I'm still not sure what the hell was wrong with me, but the guilt I felt about what I'd done, breaking the rules, getting into trouble, stuck with me and weighed me down for a long time. I was to scared to tell my mum and so I felt more guilty about keeping it from her. when parents evening came around I went out of my mind worrying the teacher would tell my mum, who would be extra cross at my for not telling her. It never came up. I actually cried, alone in my bedroom on multiple occasions due to my undying guilt. My stomach knotted up every time I thought about it and I spent too much time imaging countless scenarios in which my mum would find out and all the things she'd say to me.
I eventually came to the conclusion that when I was really old, like twenty or maybe even thirty or something, I would tell my mother and, although it wouldn't exactly make her happy, it would be too far in the past for her to get angry about. I guess I'm just one of those people who really can't stand being reprimanded by any kind of authority figure. When I was ten I did recount all of this and realise that if I went up to my mum at that point and said; "Mum, when I was in year three, I brought sweets into school.", she would have just turned to me and said "And?". She probably would not have had any idea that that was something we weren't supposed to do, and even if she did, she would not have cared.
I've done plenty worse in my life, but for some reason, I've never felt as guilty as I had back then. My point in telling you this unusual and embarrassing anecdote is that what I'm trying to say is guilt sucks. Felling guilty can really eat away at your insides and put a huge damper on your life. I doubt anyone will ever feel as guilty for bringing sweets into school as I did but I know that everyone feels guilty at some point in their life and it's important that you think about your guilt.
Was it really your fault? Is what you did really so wrong? Is there a way to make up for it? Is the source of your guilt a secret from those around you and if so should it be? Would it be better to just let it out? Do you really deserve the to feel as bad as you do?
Maybe your guilt is justified but maybe not. Maybe your the one giving someone else a guilt trip and need to ask yourself if they deserve to be made to feel as bad as you're making them. And if you find yourself debating whether or not to do something that you know you'll feel guilty about later, then avoid doing it at all costs if you value your personal happiness and don't want to end up hating yourself.
- T.L.Wizards
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